GHDR 2022 Synopsis

Posted Saturday, December 31, 2022 by Sri. Tagged GHDR
EDITING PHASE:gathering info...

These are the raw notes I kept during my 2022 writing review.

Top-of-Mind Impressions

  • frustration with overall projects, ended in august
  • initial joy in starting my own projects, srigarten and shipping old product
  • after six weeks, lost sight of the big picture
  • discover that eye strain is caused by one-sided lighting
  • restart treatment of ADHD, trying to maintain function for my work
  • by august, realize lost big picture and started to redefine them
  • define: archetypes, the public square
  • accept: that I do match specific traits for ADHD and ASD
  • realized that ADHD medication prescriber is neurotypical and does not understand what I am going through at all. They lack the ability to assess and relate clinical symptoms more deeply
  • accept: I have executive dysfunction in "starting tasks" that causes impairment
  • accept: I have autistic traits that cause impairment socially
  • realize: I have strong emotional triggers that are motivating
  • realize: I need to be surrounded by people, yet people also exhaust me
  • design: mitigations based on my specific combination of traits
  • define: my process is writing, and I want to be a "writer of reality"
  • realize: I have a personal mission that I want to see come to fruition, but what is it.

Coming Year Musings

I can see that there is an entire new system I can put together as package.

Creating software technology is the strategic move for 2023:

  • Programmatic PDF generation
  • Compact Calendar generation
  • Web Application Framework
  • Electron Application Framework

The key strategic projects are to make digital interactive versions of the Word Counting Calendar, the Compact Calendar, and any static attractive form using a nice graphics library.

The key support project is apps on the desktop/web. HTML5+Javascript on the web, also as an Electron app. This has broad utility across all my work.

Another strategic project is coming up with a way to quickly outline how things work so I can get through prototyping quickly.

There is a GUI and EVENT language I need to develop too.

End of Year Musings

The Wins of 2022:

  • Building Srigarten
  • Two Slot Aux evolutioon to 2 Minute Starts
  • Understanding ADHD and ASD
  • Strategic Horizons, Etc

Progress Made in 2022:

  • Getting the Amazon store moving again
  • Insights into

The Insights of 2022:

  • Recognizing that I need external motivation and communication for work for real, and it's not negotiable. It arose in the GEMSTEP work.
  • Recognizing that I am no longer willing to put up with subpar design process that shortchanges thinking ahead. Peer programming with GEMSTEP.
  • Also, the idea that there is a middle ground between "doing the thinking work for people who are not pushing forwrd with it the way I want" and "resentful that I do this work and no one appreciates how much time it is saving us".

Reverse Chronological Review

I reviewed my writing in reverse chronological order so I could let earlier entries be colored by hindsight (my current thinking, really), as I'm looking FORWARD to the coming year more so than navel-gazing over the past.

December 12 - A New Roadmap

In this report I paraphrased the previous report's takeaways:

  1. action: I really am impaired by ADHD/ASD/GAD traits. It expresses as the difficulty starting
  2. brain: I really do think the average person can't relate to me because of (1) using conceptual models instead of direct pattern descriptions and/or (2) not using recipes but instead intensely pursuing understanding using overwhelming complexity and precision.
  3. emotion+logic: I consciously maintain a dynamic balance between driving emotion and pragmatic reason as I refine my all-encompassing sense of mission and personal ethics. This is not a common approach, I feel.

I repeated the mitigations from November (e.g. "don't work alone, ever"), and did a gut check to see what I was forgetting.

  • I still have to do the hard stuff despite all the new mitigations. That's the challenge.
  • I don't have a comprehensive personal mission statement to use as a qualitative assessment tool.
  • I don't have a definition of the kind of writer I am
  • I have not completed the Strategic Horizons and Public Square work either.

So what's next? I left it off there.

November 11 - Battling Impairment, Finding Heart

This was posted on the 30th because of the intense soul-searching I was doing.

Two forms of resistance from Cold Hard Sri-nalysis

  • I have an impairment of executive function (ADHD)
  • I have an impairment of connection (ASD)

Additional element from GHDR Nov Report

  • My motivation is anchored by emotion; having a sense of personal mission is the ideal motivator

From this two new guidelines:

  1. Don't Work Alone, EVER
  2. Apply "Masking" to make others comfortable for my own benefit, not just theirs
  3. Reframe GHDR to focus on living the personal mission

Is there a label to help me transform?

  • writer that happens to do design and development.

Wondered...

  • Do I have a personal mission defined?
  • What kind of writer am I?
  • What happened to Strategic Horizons, The Public Square, etc (see journal 0831)
  • Review all tropes, squirks, and consolidate where possible

October 10 - Fighting the System, Letting it Be

link to post

summary:

  • made progress on physical space
  • found stock for shipping
  • correlating ADHD+ASD
  • terrible sleeping schedule
  • new podcasts

bought:

  • Engineering and the Mind's Eye

September 9 - Progress in Four Phases

Context: using the system defined broadly in August. Report here.

  • remembering how to effectively guide my day
  • noted that srigarten is working well as a thinking space, now contemplating more custom coded features
  • started rebuilding productivity system based on Barkley
  • More Strategic Horizons, Piles, Archetypes
  • Improved Nutrition, Debugged Eyestrain
  • Return to Two Slot + Aux
    • Printed Products back in Stock
    • Make More Physical Space

Post 0909 Reboot Series

Expanded on August 8 Report

  • Reboot 1: new routine
  • Reboot 2: creative habit rekickstart, eyestrain discovery
  • Reboot 3: tackling bills, daily logging day 2
  • Reboot 4-6: weekend stimming - handling overwhelm, intro strategic piles, low energy strategies
  • Reboot 7: remembering things take time - how to handle unavoidable effortful projects. introduction of 'destination nodes' as a replacement for a project, moving toward a defined strategic horizon. 'expeditions' are a way to gear up and include other people. and remember this takes time (via teknoel)
  • Reboot 8: Revisiting old ideas with old friends. Don/Sean (connection I hadn't felt in a while). Egg roll collection
  • Reboot 9: Describing the lizard brain, and how to beat it
  • Reboot 10: Mistakes were made. Didn't moderate video game use, crashed. Someone asked about old Agenceum diagram, and remember that old stuff is still valuable. Introduction of constellations
  • Reboot 11: Can't dodge the hard stuff. list of strategic horizons and piles. List roles attracted to (defined in Reboot 11 Note)
  • Reboot 11 Note: Archetypes & Constellations addendum
  • Reboot 12: The missing constellation is Inventor/Creator...why?
  • Reboot 13: Rethinking Autism. read books, neurotypical, theorizing. start of ASD grappling.
  • Note on Goal Setting: review definition of "strategic goal" on wikipedia
  • Reboot 14-18: Stalling and Recovering...lost the big picture (personal mission?). Forever problem is taking action, first pondering of exec function issues
  • Reboot 19-22: Debugging Productivity Stall. big picture why lost? Consider modifications to operational daily goals to try to recover it?
  • Reboot 23: Defining Operational Goals. Draw a picture of public square, as diagram with operational goals
  • Reboot 24: Technical Site Updates
  • Reboot 25: Pagespeed and Sketchmaps. diagram of strategic horizons
  • Reboot 26: Weekend without Adderall. Tried more brainstim, water, fresh air. Is daily journaling really important? (ed. yeah, writing is my bag)
  • Reboot 27: Reboot Complete! process (1) Startup Routine (2) use KMS and daily journal, index cards, form questions (3) Shutdown Routine. Missing operational goal HARD PROJECTS that are blocking: printed product sells and creating physical space
  • next few entries are about trying to make progress on the hard projects

August 8: Setting Strategic Horizons

summary of post:

  • closed GEMSTEP dev work, forgot how to think/act entrepreneurially
  • missed 'singular focus' from the project work; how do I re-apply it to direction?

Strategic Horizons

The design is based on Sri Truths:

  1. can't maintain singular focus for the sake of predictable production efficiency
  2. I identify questions/pursue answers as part of researching a hypothesis
  3. I work hard to answer questions thoroughly and well
  4. I am always excited to share and exchange information
  5. I have the artistic and technical skills to package wha I know in an attractive manner.
  6. I'm wise enough to consider buying off-the-shelf solutions to save time or heartache.

Sri Behavioral Certainties:

  • I need to talk with engaged people as I work on stuff, otherwise I wither and die. More than 3 days is danger.
  • I compulsive collect, package, and share information.
  • I hate feeling "trapped" by "having to do things" even if it's me telling me to do them. This resistance is primal and unavoidable until I can get moving.
  • I am good at finding answers to questions, and have little difficulty thinking on my feet when asked. Identifying questions that I can answer overcomes the 'trapped' feeling and converts it into an investigation!

Sri Behavioral Allowances:

  • Allowed to be curious, hypothetical, theoretical and address these as part of doing "the work", as this drive me forward (necessary overhead)
  • I can substitute other tasks for the "important tasks" if they are also productive (aka structured procrastination)
  • I can engage in vigorous discussion at any time, because this keeps me engaged in the work (presuming it's work- or goal-related in some way)
  • I must share a packaged something every day, at any level of polish.

Strategic Horizon Defined:

  • Increase production of shareable stuff
  • Like a research lab + marketing division
  • People energy required, so virtual cafe/open studio counts as a supportive venue
  • strong community of CURIOSITY, TOLERANCE, OPEN-MINDEDNESS, SELF-EMPOWERMENT, LEADING THROUGH POSITIVE EXAMPLE, GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT, EMPATHY, CONSCIENCIOUSNESS, and KINDNESS.
  • Conversation with said people provides external motivation as well as sanity checks for the work

Operating Principles

  • key: identify tangible daily delivery
  • key: share the daily deliverable
  • share: develop capabilities to share: dsriseah as daily deliverable display stand, lines of business to distribution deliverables
  • conversation: document on drsiseah.com (Srigarten), develop new media channels (YouTube, Podcast). nurture community spaces (Discord)

July 7: Back to Meeee!

Was still in the midst of GEMSTEP. Reviewed goals from feb in the report:

  • How did the blogging go?
  • How did the streaming go?
  • Did I create any video content?
  • Did I get the shared project areas working on the Discord?
  • Was I able to build areas for shared connection on other media platforms?
  • Did I publically articulate the mission as I understand it?
  • Did more people come into the DS|CAFE because of something I did on this list?

Hypothesized I should check these things (ed. I don't think I did)

  • A return to regular blogging!
  • A return to regular streaming!
  • new: Creating more concise video content!
  • new: Creating opportunities for shared connection through media platforms (e.g. Patreon)!
  • new: Packaging and existing process regularly!
  • new: Making the DS|CAFE Discord part fo the process!

June 6: Too Much Work!

No report, listed possible topics (ed. never did them)

  • A Surprising Development with ADHD and Spironolactone
  • A “Not Buying Spree”
  • Pride Month thoughts?

May 5: Much Mental Processing

The report notes that development work improved by adding peer programming, frustrated waiting to be able to work on own projects due to my work.

Takeaways:

  • Adderall Review - works if I have (1) maintained good self care and (2) am not burdened with negative emotions. Otherwise, tends not to work.
  • Thoughts on Autism and GAD - explained by 3rd culture? Being a robot? Afraid of getting yelled out, always wincing and am ready for it. But I can negotiate scope.
  • Being less angry and sweary - "Blame is simply discharging of discomfort and paint."
  • Dealing with Transgendder Identity - Not letting the body be the gatekeepoer of my reality as a Sri. relating to people is more important to me, and I can do that in spirit. Though I wish that the physicality was there too.

Oh and Destiny 2 is such a good game but terrible ux

April 4: Working through

Straightforward completion breakdown in report:

  1. Website SSG tool advances
  2. Srigarten introduced!
  3. Discord creative sanctuary mission begins, choosing type 2 energy "unabashed love of a subject because it makes people happy" vs type 1 "critique and analysis of a subject, exploring different points of view without prejudice" (panda club vs panda talk)
  4. DSri creative mission on my mind: elbs and 'the-mission' entry (this is maybe duped with another later entry)
  5. Swears are offputting: I get really mad at things that let me down, builds negativity. Have to control this communication mindfulness (quote Brene Brown on blame)

Wanted to do Challenge-a-Day but stuck with work. Also, PMHNP-BC first full appointment coming up (ed. the beginning of disappoint)

March 3: Focus Level Up!

In the report I note that every year my strategic goals are roughly these:

  1. Try to do more
  2. Try to enjoy myself
  3. Try to develop products

But I vary the approach. This year's approach is

  • ADHD might be a thing, redditor said adhd brain craves stimulation. I found understimulation theory interesting and it seemed it could repl[y to me. First experience with adderall. Used the remnant supply without headache (ed. I had misattributed headache to meds, when it was actually eyestrain)

Chronological Review

Main Reports

February Initial Goals

2022 Activity Ideas

  • Bring Back Challenge-a-Day
  • Create as part of a social group
  • Track for forward achievement, not for the past
  • Commit to using SSG for the new dsriseah.com site

2022 Platform Goals

  • Develop dsriseah.com and open to public
  • Use Discord to Encourage Creative Sanctuary
  • Describe the DSri Creative Mission

2022 Personal Goals

  • Be less angry and sweary
  • Develop more conviction
  • Work with ADHD
  • Work with Trans Identity
  • Develop Sri-ness

August Update

Version 3 'GHDR Goals' from August 8, where I tried to identity the grand "strategic horizon" I was steering toward.

STRATEGIC HORIZON

  • Sri building cool things to share
  • Sri nurtures a project incubating community
  • Sri builds public stand/magazine for sharing
  • Sri build market stand where people can buy
  • serendipity: create products from shared interests
  • eventually: revenue to travel to where the processes are

MECHANICS

  • A Tangible Deliverable Every Day (momentum)
  • dsriseah.com is the produce stand (outreach)
  • Add to produce stand as needed (outreach)
  • Identify lines of business on the fly (outreach)
  • Document discoveries on dsriseah.com (value build)
  • Document personal insights in squirks (value build/)
  • Share the Daily Deliverable (community energy)
  • Develop media channels as needed (outreach)
  • Nuture community spaces organically (outreach)

September Update

Version 3 'GHDR Goals' from September 9.

STRATEGIC HORIZON

  • Sri building cool things to share
  • Sri nurtures a project incubating community
  • Sri builds public stand/magazine for sharing
  • Sri build market stand where people can buy
  • serendipity: create products from shared interests
  • eventually: revenue to travel to where the processes are

MECHANICS

  • A Tangible Deliverable Every Day (momentum)
  • dsriseah.com is the produce stand (outreach)
  • Add to produce stand as needed (outreach)
  • Identify lines of business on the fly (outreach)
  • Document discoveries on dsriseah.com (value build)
  • Document personal insights in squirks (value build/)
  • Share the Daily Deliverable (community energy)
  • Develop media channels as needed (outreach)
  • Nuture community spaces organically (outreach)

RELATED ENTRIES

GHDR SYSTEM NOTES

October

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November

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December

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