GHDR Report 0808: The Month of Change

⊕captionI drew this three-card Past-Present-Future spread last night, and it was eerily aligned with this month's insights. The universe seems to keep showing me signs that I'm aligning with...something?

The year is flying by with this Groundhog Day Resolutions (GHDR) Monthly Report. We're already up to report number 6 out of 10, well past the 50% mark!

August is the Month of Change

Several long chapters of my life are coming to an end!

• Closing a long-running freelance contract due to loss of science education funding.
• Ending regular gender therapy sessions, as I've come to a stable understanding of myself in this regard.

I have bittersweet feelings about these closing chapters, but I am heartened by what's coming next:

I've been away from this for about ten years, these regular Groundhog Day Reports aside. And the timing seems right too, as the growing Open Social Web movement is drawing attention from disaffected people who miss the humane connections that the early Internet was built on.

Anyway, I've designated August as my Month of Change and have invited people in the DSCAFE Discord to join in. There is an enormous amount of work to do to retool my website and blogging habits to support these changes. As part of the Month of Change, I'm making significant changes to how I'll interact with the world.

But first, let me recap the insights that have led to this moment!

Acknowledging My Differences

Last month I realized I needed a better way to translate how I think and communicate so it's understandable with the majority of people. Let's talk about it!

How Sri Thinks Differently

I see myself as a Cross-Domain Systems Thinker that designs for Human-First Experiences

• by cross-domain, I mean using multiple knowledge domains at the same time (e.g. technological systems and visual design) to synthesize relevant ideas.
• by systems thinker, I mean that I infer solutions by understanding how the ideas and principles of abstract concepts map to real-world implementations.
• by human-first, I mean that I see people as individuals with specific goals and needs based on their environment context, rather than as factors to be optimized for sake of improving a business process or technical system.

This is, I am starting to learn, a highly unusual combination of traits to have in one person. When I communicate, I tend to draw on ALL of them. In hindsight, it would be very difficult to follow even for another systems thinker or human-centered practitioner: there are simply too many references to follow when I am going full-blast!

I believe that the more prevalent type of thinkers are Solution-Seeking Contextual Problem-Solvers.

• by solution-seeking, I mean that they prioritize finding an existing solution to their immediate problem.
• by contextual, I mean that they can recognize the details of their challenge with a high degree of precision to find the best solution match.
• by problem solver, I mean that their emphasis is on fixing, with understanding the root cause as a secondary concern.

How Sri Communicates Differently

I've come to also realize that the majority of polite communication has several rules that are based on maintaining positive sentiment over data exchange. My systems approach to thinking tends to emphasize data exchange while assuming positive sentiment is a given when meeting anyone for the first time. In hindsight, this has led to friction in the past as I didn't realize what the rules were:

• People expect to exchange positive sentiment to establish rapport over time. This happens in small ways first, and as a familiarity grows some trust is established. This is the foundation for creating good will; it is never assumed at first. Failing to exchange positive sentiment is a red flag. My made-up rule is that 90% of conversation is related to expressing positive sentiment with peers.
• People expect to be given the benefit of the doubt in public exchanges, and for their social status to be acknowledged and affirmed. This is an aspect of maintaining positive sentiment, and showing that you are mindful of that is part of the establishment of greater trust.
• Even when trust is established, it is easily broken when too many demands are made during a conversation that puts the other in a judgement situation. This is very uncomfortable for many people, who prefer the ambiguity of implied offers and invitations over direct questioning.

And so on. This is an evolving set of rules, but the general idea is to emphasize positive sentiment in communication and limit demands as much as possible unless you are asked for the details. Examples of demands I was inadvertently making include:

• Providing a lot of data, expecting the other person to appreciate that I was giving them the raw information they needed to make an informed decision. All I was making them feel was uncertainty.
• Providing a reference to a concept or idea as it related to their situation, thinking it would provide illumination. Instead, it created ambiguity where they would be forced to admit not understanding or just nod politely.
• Admitting ignorance, and then asking a question or posing a theory for the other to illuminate. This can confuse people who aren't used to challenging themselves and see questions as threats or admission of failure, and it is uncomfortable.
• Asking for clarification or explanation. While intended as purely an egoless request for knowledge that would help the conversation be more productive, it could be perceived as a challenge that put them on the spot.
• After listening to a person share their experience, sharing my own related experience. In my mind, this was an attempt to say, "I understand a little how you feel, because something similar happened to me and let me tell you about it so we can compare notes". In some cases, the point of sharing an experience isn't to discuss it, but is an invitation to provide supporting positive sentiment and assurance.

Building New Bridges

The differences in how I think and communication are important for having better interactions with everyone. In particular, applying the positive sentiment first, data by request rules helped my conversations go smoother with less stress. My expectations are much lower now that I think of casual conversation as "building positive sentiment over time". I've been testing this by going to Farmer's Markets and talking with the same vendors every time, learning a bit about them and trying out their products. I'm generally excited to see what people create, and allowing this excitement to shine through is good!

With that positive experience, I am feeling much more assured that people CAN get along with me when I'm speaking their dialect of "Being Human". That has given me the confidence to accept the following truths about myself with respect to thinking different:

1. Even though I think differently than the majority of people, this is not a deficit! I don't need to change the way I think, I just need to repackage my thoughts into a form compatible with solution-seeking contextual problem-solvers. That's easy: I just have to provide the context that goes with each of my synthesized solutions. In the past I have led with the explanation and the theory, and it is too large of a demand to make of people focused on finding a fix.

2. There is no longer a yearning to be understood, because my way of thinking is literally incomprehensible to most people. We can instead relate just fine based on shared interest and positive sentiment. Also, while the way I come up with solutions may be weird and alien, anyone can try them out and see if they work. That's sufficient! I can privately be as alien as I want to be :-)

3. The way I collaborate with others also is changing. Before, my notion of being a good collaborator was to provide plenty of room for people to offer their own ideas. As before, I would provide data and relate stories with the intent of not "coloring their thinking", as I thought they preferred to come up with their own interpretation of events. This is not what most people want, especially if they are not cross-domain system thinkers like me. I think it would be more beneficial to meticulously design my own space because that's what I actually want to do; I've been hamstringing myself by providing an accomodation that no one wants. People would rather choose to participate based on their own cost/benefit analysis.

These are pretty major shifts in my operational strategy, which previously sought the "right fit" with a select group of the "right people", then providing the "right accomodations" to make up for my so-called "deficits". This new direction feels VERY promising!

In summary, there are four aspects of my new operational strategy:

1. I recognize that my "cognitive uniqueness" is uncommon and strong. It is unrelatable to most people, but that is part of its intrigue.

2. I can translate the product of my cognitive uniqueness into forms that don't require being of the same mind. This is universally useful for everyone, even people who have similar cognitive architectures.

3. I will stop prioritizing accomodation for other people to think for themselves using data I provide. This is not what they want. Instead, offer clear examples tailored for solution-seeking problem-solvers. This meets their immediate need more efficiently while not diminishing the interesting qualities of my work.

4. Practice sentiment-first communication, providing additional data only on request. This meets the needs of everyone to feel seen, respected, and safe. It is the basis for polite human interaction.

But What About Sri's Needs?

So far, I've talked about building bridges to "meet people where they are". But what about ME? What about MY NEEDS?

Before, I thought I needed to find people like me in very specific ways, but the answer is perhaps simpler than I thought. I already knew this year that values-first productivity was an important step to meeting my needs at the most primal level. As I said at the beginning of the year, I make all my logical decisions based on emotional criteria, not the other way around.

The emotional criteria are built on the following needs:

• Authenticity - being truthful to myself
• Transparency - being truthful to others
• Curiosity - seeking truth no matter where it goes

I should note that these are not aspirations or lifestyle choices. These are the way I am wired to the core, and I have been miserable every time I've had to suppress them for the sake of other people's comfort. That includes pushing them aside for the sake of achieving goals or getting things done.

Rather than pathologize them as inconvenient neurodivergent traits that need remedy, I declared that they are the foundation for not just my own needs, but also for any worthwhile community. They are worth championing for everyone's sake.

There is quite a bit more to this, filed under my evolving sense of Sri-ness and what it means to be a Magical Adventure Cat and why. These are lengthy discussions for another day. For the purposes of this report, I'm happy to say that these concepts are evolving very nicely! As a result, I'm feeling empowered, happy, and confident about facing the future as a truer expression of myself.

The Month Ahead

I'm planning on bringing back https://davidseah.com as part of my "return to blogging".

On the short list of critical tasks:

• Update davidseah.com tech to be compatible with PHP 8.3
• Port my davidseah.com website to PHP 8.3
• Upgrade davidseah.com server so it can also support Ghost 6.0

After that, I'll be able to breathe. Updating davidseah.com is a huge undertaking that I've put off for years. In a nutshell, I have to:

• identify the incompatible plugins
• find a replacement theme that meets my site's needs
• redesign/reskin the entire website and all its pages
• relaunch announcement on all platforms!

And that doesn't even cover the return to regular blogging which I have forgotten how to do. I suppose now I'll have the time, even though the pressure to find alternative revenue streams is high! I'll save that discussion for future posts...for now, let's wrap things up and get on with our lives!

Thanks for reading, and catch up with you guys soon if I don't see you in the Discord!

Socials: dsri@opalstack.social on Mastodon, or dsri.bsky.social on BlueSky.

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