GHDR Report 0707: Affirming Communication

⊕captionThe movement of the white Kallax opens up the living room, mirroring the freedom I feel this month from two big insights!

Howdy hey everyone, and welcome to the July 7th Groundhog Day Resolutions Report! The past month spent recovering from my long Taiwan Trip has led to a more complete understanding of what I can connect my values with people. It's really kind of surprising to me too. Let's get into it!

Communication Guidelines for Sri

I've had two major insights since my Taiwan trip regarding how I can talk to people in a more present, welcoming way. Here's what I think I was doing:

1. Not Defaulting to Sentiment-First Communication - In the past, I tried to relate to people better by being more clear and more detailed in explaining concepts, as this is the way my brain understands the world. I see now that clarity and detail are not sentiment, and therefore my messages were difficult to understand because they did not match the way most people absorb information about the world.

2. Communicating Ideas based on concepts was the wrong approach - I've come to believe my brain works rather differently than others. I see the world as many interconnected systems of understanding that I can juggle simultaneously in my head to make cross-domain leaps of logic. My approach to action is based on synthesizing courses of action to meet a challenge that I have deconstructed into different conceptual layers. The more common pattern, I think, is based on recognizing patterns and applying tested solutions to effect a desired result. This is more direct and straightforward. My communication style emphasized providing conceptual references and data so my conversation partner could weigh the data themselves and share their own conclusion, but that's not what most people want or need. What I describe is outside of their perspective and therefore doesn't make sense. At best, it sounds professorial and intellectual, but not applicable because the pattern just isn't clear enough to follow like a trustworthy recipe.

The effectiveness of using sentiment- and pattern-first approaches to conversation is my major insight for July. It is obvious to people who already talk and think like this, but it's rather new to me. I am now able to see this as an act of mistranslation rather than defectiveness as a person, which is how I tended to see it. I can adapt my interactions with other people without having to compromise my sense of self, and that is hugely affirming.

Freedom from Doubt Boosts Freedom of Joyful Connection

Since I've started making this change, I've noticed that I'm also feeling much more free in expressing my joy in talking to people without fear of judgment or not being interesting enough. I am no longer operating from the assumption that I'm not interesting or not good enough or whatever, or that I'm a weird trans non-binary person. I know how I think, and I know that I'm different, but I also know that people want simple direct patterns and answers most of the time because that's how their mind works. And I know that people respond well to a friendly smile and the small affirmations that come with small talk. Surprise! Small talk does have a purpose! It's entirely for exchanging sentiment. Take note, neurodivergent peers!

The big breakthrough, however, goes beyond the reduction of social friction. Without all that doubt about me being a misunderstood weirdo gone, I have felt much more confident in my abilities. I know they don't make sense to people, but I do know that if I can create useful artifacts that are focused on specific areas this will make sense. It's a huge affirmation of myself and a gigantic lifting of anxiety and I am thinking less defensively now. This is a good thing!

Values Update

Lastly, I think this month's journal has lead to a notable improvement in my values-first productivity statement. The original version described three personal values that had to be practiced:

• authenticity
• transparency
• truth-seeking

The last value statement has never quite fit for me, because it sounds falsely noble or principled. With the lifting of my defensive mindset, I've replaced that with curiosity. Now, all three value elements are virtues of truth that matter very much to me:

• authenticity - truth about yourself
• transparency - truth in communication
• curiosity - truth-seeking in exploration

These are all huge wins for July!

But What Got Done?

There are a number of ongoing projects that are queuing up related to future design work as my current contract winds down. In the meantime, finding the energy to finish the work---it has been unexpectedly complicated---has been my main priority. I'm working with a legacy codebase that uses a front-end UI system that I have grown to despise for its architectural inanity, so managing frustration while being productive has taken precedence.

Here's a grab bag of good things that are going on!

• The new car, I'm happy to report, continues to bring me joy. I have named her "Bloocar" because she is a blue car and cute as a button. I bought a cool hat rack and a bumper protector, decorated her sides with classy rainbow flag emblems, and even bought nail polish that is almost the exact shade she is so we can be matchy-matchy 😁

• I have slowly been increasing the number of places in the house where I feel happy and free rather than oppressed by disorganized clutter. I'm up to four rooms now, and the improvement in mood has been tremendous! I got to test the new living area layout with friends over the Fourth of July weekend and it worked out really well. More organization is planned in the months ahead.

• I've started contacting the printing company that makes my stationery products here in New Hampshire, and am excited to ramp up the production of paper products again! I won't have any project work to rely on so this is an important step in restoring revenue streams.

• I've resolved how to organize local writers and creators in my hometown using a combination of the Ghost platform and Whimsical for document sharing as I already have an account.

There are many more ideas, and several of them were listed all the way back in February. The main gist continues to be developing myself as a confident leader of a values-driven institution and creating the means for supporting myself financially through the growth of a collective of architects, builders, creators, and the people who love supporting the idea of a place where they can be their authentic selves. That really has always been the dream, and though I'm not sure I'm the right person for the job I am still compelled to keep trying. Every month, my understanding of the vastness of this challenge grows sharper, and my strategic goals change to bring it closer in scale to something manageable.

The Month Ahead

I think this month may be important for developing my newfound confidence in translating my cognitive architecture into more digestible forms, and the practice of sentiment-first communication guidelines will continue to help me learn to show my enthusiasm unabashedly.

Wish me luck! Give me a holler if you'd like to chat more about it on Discord or via my socials dsri@opalstack.social on Mastodon, or dsri.bsky.social on BlueSky.

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