The Zero-Sum Continuum

Posted Sunday, September 25, 2022 by Sri.Tagged JOURNAL
EDIT STATUS:first draft

Sunday, September 25, 2022. This past week has been a disaster as far as being productive. The goal was to get my basement cleared out as much as possible so I could start moving my computer setup downstairs, which would make the living room a more relaxing place to chill out eventually. However, the week was also filled with social interactions while also trying to renormalize to a 9-5 schedule so I could be around people more.

Challenge: While I want to clean up the basement and know it would be great, it's been difficult to actually go DO it because it's such a distasteful and uncertain prospect that feels very very slow. It is hard to convince my ADHD brain to commit to it because it's hard to imagine that it is entertaining in any way. Without any external meaningful pressure, it's too easy to make excuses to "just play with something first" that ends up absorbing me for hours.

Overall Goal: Groundhog Day Resolutions are about making systematic changes to my life, a little bit at a time, so the Future Sri has an easier time of life. It's abstract and in the future, which means it feels good only in the dreamlike now as opposed to the working now that is required to bring that future into reality someday. This is another hurdle. I have the plan, but the plan doesn't seem very tangible or rewarding in the slightest.

Earlier, I had the thought that maybe I could combine socialization (which I seem to be drawn to) with the business enterprise (which is at heart a creative ecosystem of peers)...is there a way to turn my socialization activities related to coworking support and writing into more of a money generator? Originally I thought this was worth looking into, but I think it falls under the dreamlike now and is a false promise.

Takeaway

I think isolation is necessary to get hard work done, and what makes it difficult is that I need people to give the hard work meaning so I am motivated to do it

So this-coming week will be about addressing that balance between socialization, the dreamlike now, and the working now. I'm losing grip on the plan. It was exciting to start it but now it feels like the plan has slipped away from me. How to reground myself? I am feeling pulled in a lot of directions right now, wanting to communicate and help a lot of people think through problems, but this is at the cost of me fixing my own problems. I need to spend time deeply with my challenges and be able to put thoughts of other people out of my head. It sounds mean and anti-social, but I think hermit mode is something to embrace if I want to get things done. I don't like being in hermit mode, so here's a second takeaway:

While hermit mode is necessary to do creative work, it also needs to be balanced regular influxes of quality socialization.

and

A challenge to maintaining hermit mode and focus is to limit the imputs of new experiences and ideas. Since my brain generates new experiences and ideas seemingly every 2 minutes, it's hard to protect myself against my own brain.