processed from realtime journal blogging
SELF-UNDERSTANDING & REGULATION
Identity & Self-Management Systems:
- Developed NAO construct (noisy animals around null-emotion unit) for "right now" presence
- Identified Null/Goose as emotion-free existence unit for dysregulated states
- Recognized third person cat voice as dissociation/coping vs first person as confidence
- Sequenced "Sri Girl DNA": Cats/Horses/Miss Frizzle
- Integrated sensation as third core element alongside emotion/logic (Oct 6)
- Discovered Universe as partner/friend rather than abstract force
Physical & Energy Management:
- Established "Cat in motion is key" as fundamental mantra
- Recognized movement must precede thinking, not follow it
- Identified social replenishment through connection and nutrition as energy sources
- Tracked TGHF (hormone) cycle patterns (28-day intervals)
- Implemented controlled eating to manage gastric dysregulation
- Discovered need for daily sunlight exposure ("Sun Cat" vs "Moon Kitty")
- Created flexible daily structure: 3hrs deep work, 3hrs online engagement, 3hrs local social, 7hrs recovery
Psychological Barriers:
- Processed "Does the Cat dare cry out to the Universe?" - moved from suppression to affirmative meow (Oct 7)
- Confronted rejection anxiety explicitly (noted Oct 2)
- Addressed dream revealing "nothing to live for" - reframed as liberation from artificial enthusiasm
- Developed "durable warmth" as counter to thin-skinned emotional vulnerability
- Recognized and processed feral distrust of people after repeated disappointments
- Confronted ego assertions vs egoless openness tension
RELATIONAL CAPACITY
Leadership Modalities:
- Differentiated teacher/guide role: coach/cheerleader, structured feedback, "all animals are friends" incubator
- Defined objective-driven project lead: training-oriented rather than excellence-driven, "Adventure Guild Model"
- Framed both as participatory programs generating supporting infrastructure from participant initiative
- Shifted from light facilitation to structured challenge leadership
Organizational Critique:
- Identified DevPartner's lack of growth will despite knowing importance
- Diagnosed GameDev group as interest-based without connection-building training
- Recognized pattern of engagement burst then dropout in DSCAFE
- Withdrew from GameDev jam citing lack of "grow our members" ethos
- Applied boundaries: announced limitations without absorbing organizational gaps
Identity & Public Positioning:
- Reframed DSCAFE from "influencer" (broadcaster) to "beacon" (bidirectional) (8/1 entry)
- Decision to "double-down on Sri-ness"
- Stopped suppressing "powers" in online conversations
- Adopted "disguise of amiable but sharp observer" as travel mode
- Shifted DSCAFE to direct extension of personal blogging without apology
PRODUCTIVE OUTPUT
Strategic Positioning:
- SHORT TERM: Magical Adventure Cat as traveler bringing artifacts to compatible audiences without leadership/agenda claims
- LONG TERM: MAC as authority/prime architect of sanctuary community with explicit values (authenticity, transparency, curiosity), clear law/culture, participatory growth model
- Articulated two-tier community strategy with distinct tactical approaches
- Developed concept of sanctuary as launching point for adventures with return-and-share model
Technical/Production Infrastructure:
- Completed blogging platform migration from WordPress/Ghost to static HTML + EchoFeed RSS
- Created automated excerpted autoposts to Mastodon and Bluesky with images
- Established Project Silo Structure: Engineering, Community Building, Swirling, Blogging
- Identified 12 core project threads (docgraph, pkms, ursys, colonykit, sna, friendkit, pebblekit, shopkit, formkit, viskit, SriKit)
- Created SVG tiles for project elements with web component layout manager
- Initiated 5-Day Personal Challenge format for skill development
- Experimented with Renoise (music), Affinity Designer (graphics), Krita, PenPot
- Completed daily sharepiece commitments despite feeling unpolished
Shifting My Role in DS|CAFE
Opening the Challenges to others involved taking a leadership role. Previously, I would just announce I would be doing something and I'd be posting the results somewhere in the Discord if anyone wanted to watch.
At the time I started DS|CAFE, I had created a casual "hang out space" for people who liked what I was doing online and wanted to meet me. I didn't put any expectations on people who joined, but also didn't put any effort into attracting them either. A strong tenet of early DS|CAFE was not to make work for anyone because we were all busy. My hope was that people would naturally find connection with each other and perhaps engage in collaboration; this had worked for me in physical spaces before. It's how I've gotten all of my jobs to present time.
Today, I have a clear understanding of what my heart yearns for and how my brain works. After 8 years of running DS|CAFE the old way, I think that I need to create better onboarding for people so they know what to expect and how they can participate. This is the general challenge of any membership organization like a non-profit of volunteers or a special interest user group.
There is a tendency for membership organizations to be treated as service for subscription opportunities, where benefits and status are entitlements to be received. This takes resources that didn't reward me as the sole administator, so it is a lot easier to direct people to other services. As a rule, DS|CAFE is a server to connect people with what they are looking for, even if we don't offer it.
As massive growth is not a strategic goal for DS|CAFE, it remains a niche community made of people who discover it organically.
The big DUH moment is that DS|CAFE is a reflection of me. The reason DS|CAFE exists at all is because of the enormous amount of time I spend there. I don't know why it's so embarrassing to think that this community exists because of my effort, because I tend to redirect attention to people around me. But I have to admit that the foundational act of creating anything of communal value is showing up every day because you care.
It is time to take responsibility for that.
As a first step, I finally rewrote the virtual coworking page on davidseah.com to reflect my values and interests, but in an inviting manner. The invitation is intentional and specific, whereas before it was only vaguely welcoming. I couldn't have written this page without all the work I've done on GHDR this year, starting from the Articulation of Core Values in February to the refreshed Master Vantage Point diagram of a few months ago.
Personally, this is one of the scariest steps I've ever done.
- I'm daring to suggest that I have a way...
- I'm daring to think that other people might like it even though it's just me...
- I'm daring to put these words in public and invite people in who might NOT like it.
(Yikes!)