Time Perception

Posted Tuesday, April 5, 2022 by Sri.Tagged SQUIRK
EDIT STATUS:new

Rough notes on time perception.

  • My innate awareness of time seems unreliable. I rely on alarms and clocks and calendars to stay synchronized with the expectations that I have to meet.

  • Notable blockage: Any scheduled event for the day makes it impossible for me to focus in the present unless it is related to being as prepared for the event as possible. It fills my mind until it is over. If I have a deadline, then it is almost impossible to imagine any form of freedom or enjoyment until after the deadline has passed, and this often keeps me from starting (I think).

  • I expend a lot of energy trying to predict how long something is going to take. I track time spent in spreadsheets for work to see how long it takes me to do something, so I can do a better job of predicting. I never seem to be fast enough, though.

  • Scheduled activities feel like a trap or limit. Unscheduled activities, by comparison, are not.

  • Time gives me a kind of anxiety that I've lived with for so long, probably since I became aware of people's expectations that I provide some service to them by some deadline and realizing that it affected their perception of me. Being fast and timely is a part of the desire to be competent, and the associated fear of being incompetent.